Getting my feet wet

So for about 3 days now I've been itching to write here again. Figured I'd start doing it without informing the 5 people who ever read this blog and if I began doing it again "consistently" (something this blog could never really claim) I'd let them back in on my little secret. But, as it were, the wheels are in motion for a new cardinals blog, this time with a little more focus and a little more assistance. Most likely a lot of this will be one of the first few entries in the new blog (assuming we can get it up in time) thus the title. Time to get my feet wet again before we plunge head first into some birds blogging. Lots to discuss with yesterday's release of the schedule (im not doing the "if there is a season prefaces." Fuck that.) and next weeks Draft. Its been mentioned here before, but the NFL draft is my favorite sports day of the entire year. Many awful humans will be "celebrating" today as some retarded holiday but thats what ill be doing next week on draft day. God, i cant wait!

First, the schedule. Now its common practice among NFL fans (er, at least "mildly obsessed one") to pour over the schedule and attempt to assign Ws and Ls. Its a fun exercise in futility, kinda like mock drafts (more on that in a bit). The difference being this year with the lockout, this is the first bit of actual real information we've had in over 2 months. I mean lets be honest, Im addicted to this shit. The NFL is heroin to me, i just dont have to hide the track marks. Usually the off season is bustling enough to act as my methadone. Keeps me going till i get the real shit in the fall (note: i know thats not what methadone is used for). Anyways, with the lockout this year and no free agency fun, things like the schedule being released feel so much more important. Here is a link to the actual schedule. Im not going to break down each game, but just point out a few ones that feel like they could be season swingers. Obviously without knowing who is on our team, who is on opponents teams etc its impossible to predict outcomes. Like i said, exercise in futility. That said, assuming the cards can put together a competitive roster (something that is very debatable right now) these are some of the games to keep an eye on as season swingers:

Week 1 vs. Carolina: Now, no matter how good or bad a team looks on paper going into the season, its completely foolish to call a week 1 game a "must win." That said, Carolina is a bad team that will be starting either Cam Newton (in what would be his first career start) or Jimmy Clausen who blows. Its not a must win, but with road games in weeks 2 and 3, this would be a tough loss to swallow.

Week 5 @ Minn: Another team with an unsettled QB position. Could be Joe Webb who is awful, could be McNabb who too is old, fat and awful or one of the many rookies from the draft (or another veteran i guess. did i mention it was "unsettled"?) The importance of this game is less about the opponent and more about where it falls on the schedule. It comes on the heels of a Giants game (tough opponent) and before the bye week. Following the bye week, the cards are at home against the steelers and then @ baltimore. Its very likely we lose both of those games and very possibly the giants game too. Minn is the respite needed. 4 game losing streak with your bye sandwiched in between would more than likely end any potential playoff chances.

Week 9 vs. Rams: First home division game of the season. Must at least split the division games this season and a home game against many pundits 2011 NFC West favorite would be an important trend setter going forward.

Draft talk: Actually, no. Lets table this. If we get the real blog running that can be what we tackle next week. I might even do a full first round mock draft. Its utterly pointless as 1) its just guess work and 2) one single trade changes everything, but it seems like fun. And if we dont get the real blog going, well then the grand total of none of you will have missed out on this.

The Day The Music Died

Ladies and Gentlemen (Reed and Dustin respectively-common this is my last go, you know I'm taking one final shot!) today is a sad day for me. Today officially marks the end of two eras, both with very little fanfare and even less success. Today, Derek Anderson became the starting Quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals, effectively ending Matt Leinart's career with the Cards. He was a gift from heaven, both Denny and I thought. I believed in him when others wouldn't but simply put he never justified that belief. In the end, he is who...oh fuck no Im not about to drop that quote. Anyway, Ice's career with the Cards is for all intent and purpose, over. He doubtfully will get cut (though the possibility exists). Instead he will serve as backup for one more year and then be cut before the start of 2011. Goodbye Matt, may all your dreams die with mine.

Lets call a spade, FWIW died many moons a go. We haven't posted since March and even then it was just to do it. This just makes it a bit more fitting. To those of you who will read this final post, thanks for dropping by, it honestly meant a lot to me. Maybe Ill find my way back on the web in another form, but this one never more. So here it is, my goodbye. The End's Not Near, It's here (there's the O.C reference I promised).

It's been exactly one month, and despite the lack of Alien warfare "I'm Baaaaack!!!" There is so much to love about ID4 so lets run through a quick list.

1. Will Smith's greeting to the Alien, "Welcome to Earff." I believe this was taken straight from any/all road signs indicating ones exit from New Mexico.
   
2. The Will Smith and Vivica A. Fox kiss that won an MTV Movie Award for exactly that in 1997.
   
3. Bill Pullman's speech. You all know the one I'm talking about. I still get chills when I hear it. My buddy Army knows the speech verbatim and dare I say, delivers it better than Pullman. Im gettin all sorts of geeked up just thinking about it right now.

So in honor of our ID4 theme, lets kick the tires and light the fires...

I was talking to Dustin today and mentioned to him that I was formulating a bit of a blog post in my head. He responded by saying "Heard that before, if only your readers could read your mind. You seem to post there everyday." It's true, I have written dozens of posts over the last month that end up getting deleted for one reason or another and that leaves us with this absurdly sporadic posting schedule. I had an entire post centered around Kid Cudi's "The Sky Might Fall" in relation to the 6 hour span in which the Cardinals seemingly lost half of their starters. Furthermore, I have written my farewell post about 100 times in my head and managed to get about 3 words on paper. I have had that post more or less written since about the 2nd week I started blogging. Its less about wanting to quit and more about wanting to see if it comes together as well on paper as it does in my head. It's very doubtful that it ever will, but here's a little teaser to keep everyone intrigued, Tate Donovan makes a guest appearance. I truly don't know who actually reads this blog, but if you do and want to take a guess at what the title will be (keeping Tate in mind), take a stab in the comment section and I don't know, you'll win some sort of prize. Yes that is my last-stitched, desperation attempt to make this a little more interactive.

A bit more musings and then you know we'll do our little bullshit Cards bullet point section at the end.

I'm irrationally excited for the month of April. I'm taking the metaphorical "turning of the page" very literally with this changing month, and frankly, I need it. I'm viewing it as a detox of sorts (not the kind where you dont drink or do drugs, that'd be crazy. It also hopefully won't be delayed 7 years like Dre's). I have something to look forward to for each of April's weekends. Ill spend the first one in LA with Reed. Now, every so often, we have taken advantage of Reed's generosity by questioning his sexuality and sanity (the Michelle Rodriguez thing), but that's only cause we have nothing but love for him. Rest assured ladies, Reed is very, very much sane. Anyway I'm honored to be able to go out to LA and see Reed rock his craft and I've never needed a beach more. Lately I've been listening to Cassadaga a lot, and so much of that album revolves around getting away to regain a clear mind and some semblance of balance. No pressure Reed, but this is exactly what I'm hoping to find. The following weekend will be spent in AZ, but hopefully with one of my blogging influences. Big Daddy Drew of KSK and Deadspin fame will be coming to AZ that weekend and after a bit of emailing, there is a decent chance I'll get to meet up with him. Last time I tried to meet another blogging idol it fell through, but later that day the Cardinals won the NFC Championship. That was a perfectly acceptable consolation prize but this time around I'd actually like "Plan A" to work out. The following weekend will be spent in our Nation's Capital with my sister. I love DC. I fully plan on going to the Library of Congress wearing a Nationals hat and listening to Wale. This brings us to the all important 4th weekend of April which brings us the draft. The draft is less than one month away and to steal a page out of Drew's book, Fuck and Yes. Golly Moses I love the draft. Have any of you ever known a person who says "Golly Moses"? When the Cards used to play at Sun Devil (the glory years if you will) the gentlemen who had season tickets next to mine was quite fond of that phrase. Considering that we're talking about the Cardinals during the SDS age, one can imagine him how often the phrase was said/screamed/muttered in disappointment. It made me laugh every time. Often, those games were so awful that the highlight of going was hearing him say that and watching the people in front of me rock out to "Welcome to the Jungle." With memories like that, why wouldn't you wan to go 4-12 every year? So that's my April in a nutshell. Lets do some birds bullets.

• I'm glossing over just about every off-season move except one. The cards signed Joey Porter. This is incredible on so many levels, the least of which takes place on the field. Recently I got to see my buddy Tarny and made a promise to him I would buy a Porter jersey, cut it in half, and go early to the first game of the season so i can mirror him doing this. I will keep my promise to Tarny regardless, but if I can somehow get a six-pack by September I'll even post photographic evidence.
  

Actually, that's it. We'll be back around draft time, but hopefully a little sooner. To those of you who have, thanks for sticking with us and please, take a stab at the guessing game in the comment section. I promise the prize won't be something retarded, you know, like my respect or some shit.

No Homo-NFL Combine 2010

Why an Elton John video from 1976? Really it's quite simple (actually its retarded and convoluted, but whose counting). I chose Rocket man for two reasons: 1) Every year at the Combine(which officially started yesterday, more accurately starts this weekend) several NFL prospects will make an incredibly irrational leap up peoples mock drafts and (more importantly) team's draft ratings simply because they are incredibly athletic and run fast "40" times. Their draft stock skyrockets. Reason number 2 is the Combine represents one of the most homoerotic activities/events in all of professional sports. You think a little "atta boy" slap on the ass is kinda gay? Wait till you see 300 pound black men running, jumping, and lifting weights all while wearing the tightest fitting clothes possible. I mean seriously tight fitting clothes. I love it though, I absolutely do. So thats why we have Elton up top, because really is there a more appropriate poster-child for homosexuality? Actually, there is (despite my build up towards Elton being the quintessential), I just don't have any pics/videos of Reed. So now one paragraph into my return from blogging abyss I have successfully offended gays, the mentally challenged, and one of 3 actual readers of this blog. Don't worry if you're feeling left out, I'm still planning on degrading fat people, and if we're lucky I'll stumble upon a good jewish or asian joke as this thing comes together.

Some (none) of you are maybe wondering what caused said disappearing act. Well I'll save the bulk of my reasons for another time, but for now I will say this. I do a lot of writing during the day so coming home and writing at night is not always the first thing I want to do. So with that ringing endorsement, please keep checking back periodically. I'm going to try hard to keep this thing going, and despite its seemingly counterintuitive nature, I'll be sure to pen a farewell post that way you know when we've hit our end.

Anyway, back to football and offensive language. After that debbie downer of a paragraph above, lets laugh at fat people and feel better about ourselves. This is a video of Andre Smith running the 40 yard dash. You'll need to fast forward to the 40 second mark, and make sure not to be drinking anything while watching. Nobody wants to ruin their computer by spitting water all over the screen while watching that guy jiggle his way toward the finish line. HAHA fatty! While the "40" is the most hyped event (and in this case, the most humorous) it's the other events that draw me to the combine. Bench pressing with John Lott, yes please! The 3-cone drill allows me to put my "scout hat" on and act like an asshole. "Did you see the way he sunk his hips? He'll never be able to turn and run with premiere TEs." Then of course, there is the most overlooked aspect of the Combine. The Rumor Mill. Aaah yes, the rumor mill. The combine brings in GMs and coaches for all 32 NFL teams plus everyones agents and does so right on the cusp of free agency. This naturally produces an incredible amount of misinformation and I am a sucker for it. "The Patriots are targeting Lebron James to replace Tom Brady? Holly faackin shit yeah!" So with that in mind, lets take a look at a few rumors circulating the web regarding our beloved birds.

• The Bears are interested in Antrel Rolle. Mother-Fuck-That. I hate the Bears. Soldier field is disgusting, Lovie Smith is retarded, and Jay Cutler is gay. C'mon, we already used both those terms in a derogatory way earlier, now were just playing with house money. I don't wanna lose Trel, but if that happens it better not be a team like the Bears.
• The Dolphins are planning on making a very significant run at Karlos Dansby. Another team I hate. Right around 7/8th grade my older cousin Dean came to live with my family. He eventually became very sick. Before visiting him at the hospital one day, I bought him a Miami Dolphins hat(his favorite team) as a get well soon gift. One night when I got home, I saw that Dolphins hat sitting on the kitchen table. I knew at that very moment that Dean had died. In summation, it was Ace Ventura who was responsible for Dean's death, therefore fuck the Dolphins and fuck Florida.
• Apparently Q is finally going to get traded. Good thing this blog isn't a respected news outlet because I reported that two months ago.
• Lastly, yesterday it was announced that both Whiz and Rod Graves received contract extensions. Whiz is now amongst the highest paid coaches in the league and Rod Graves still drives an 06' Land Cruiser so its really a win-win.

I think that's it for now. Sorry Reed :(

This Photograph Is Proof

Ok, I'm dipping back into the well to a degree for this post. Recently, brilliantly named Jason Wright this Marcell Shipp, took on the unenviable task and essentially re-watched Super Bowl XLIII and lived to provide us all with a fantastic first hand account. It was my original plan to do the same. I figured it'd be kind of interesting to watch it again removed from last year's craziness. Couldn't pull the trigger. I still have no idea how he did it. Heres why though. Its not as if I can't talk about the Cardinals super bowl loss or come to come to grips with it or even to a degree reflect on it-far from that in fact. Its that I don't remember it really. The game that is. I remember a lot about that day, oddly specific details in fact, just very little about the game. The excitement before, the spectrum during the game, and then of course the feeling afterwards. Thats what I remember, that and a handful of plays. My point is this, because so much of the game would be newish, I think it'd be too much like watching the game live. Touchdowns and turnovers would be unexpected and exciting and eventually not enjoyable to see through to its conclusion. Just couldn't do it.

• Saints fans showing their appreciation towards Drew Brees. I don't know what it is about this story and these pictures, but it got me. I'm actually happy for the Saints fans.
• Vegas odds for next years Super Bowl are out. Apparently Vegas doesn't show the same faith in Matty Ice that I do. I wonder why?
• Bunch of stuff I don't understand. It's a LOST recap!!!
• Tonight marks the season 4 finale of Friday Night Lights. As previously promised, I will be writing my thoughts on the season. Since the show airs on DirectTV, I have to download it and watch it at another time, therefore we'll loosely peg friday as our expected FNL blog post date. To my knowledge Dustin is the only other FNL watcher who also stomps the Wadsworth yard, so I guess that means the rest of you can have a short hiatus from this here blog.

Lastly, the title comes straight from a Taking Back Sunday song. Too bad Pat doesn't read this blog, he'd give me the praise and affection I so badly crave.

Oh shit, there is actual Cards news. Let me squeeze that in.

• Anquan Boldin trade talk has begun, again. We've previously given some thoughts on the Q trade subject and will most certainly provide more when there is actual news to report. For now its fan driven speculation which always turns out to be absurd.
• Cards DBs coach, Teryl Austin, is interviewing for a college coordinator job. It could be argued that much of the Cards secondary woes are directly related to the lack of pass rush, but the truth is the secondary has many issues that extend beyond that. There is a lot of like about Austin. This year 3 of his 4 starters made the pro bowl. Furthermore, Coach Whiz loves him and "In Whiz We Trust." Then again, the Cards secondary kind of sucked and Bryant McFadden is still alive, so maybe Austin isn't doing that great of a job. We're on the fence with this one so we'll just toe the company line and back Whiz.
• Russ Grimm finally made it into the Hall of Fame. When Antrel Rolle inevitably leaves in free agency later this off season, we are strongly considering "AGrimmOutlook" as our new pseudonym. That or you know, not have a cardinal-related pseudonym.

Super Bowl Sunday

Fuck HULU.

Settling in for some nachos and coke zero late last night I fired up HULU to catch Thursday’s 30 Rock. This was the worst decision I have made in my young life. “SUPERBOWL XLIII HIGHLIGHTS” the front page screamed. Fuck me. I’ll never know why but I clicked the link, watched the shitty Toyota advertisement, and let the sad times roll. I hadn’t allowed myself to watch a replay since that fateful day in February, unless you count Madden’s egregious welcome screen this year. That restraint finds painful justification now in hindsight. Aside from some outstanding narration by Jeff Goldblum, inside shots of Coach Whiz speaking to the boys, and a rather strong right cross of nostalgia from Antonio Smith the experience was utter decimation.

A 23-minute replay had effectively brought me back in time one year. The sickness, lying dormant somewhere near my pancreas for the last 12 months, returned with violent effect (full disclose: could’ve been the nachos). It wasn’t just Santonio Holmes reaping the rewards of his deal with the devil, or even Aaron Francisco thinking he was a sumo wrestler for a play. IT WAS MOTHERFUCKING ANTREL ROLLE STANDING ILLEGAALY ON THE SIDELINE BLOCKING FITZ FROM TACKLING FUCKKNG JAMES HARRISON!!!!!!! (sorry Gould). Actually Sorry Trel, I love you, you know that, I didn’t mean it.

Today brings the next Superbowl, and maybe, hopefully, some closure. Though, it is now, as mock drafts spring up across the country, and my roommate busies himself in the kitchen preparing his mother’s famous shrimp dip that I find myself not so much relieved, but thoroughly confused. We are repeat division champs; apparently that means two in a row. Never before have I been in a situation like this, it’s entirely overwhelming. Can I ever be happy again with just making the playoffs? Has the proverbial bar really been raised beyond my capacity for enjoyment? I don’t know the answers to these questions. Sometimes, late at night, alone, I secretly dream that we were all back in Sun Devil Stadium scalding our hamstrings on volcanic metal bleachers and trying to perfect throwing beer cups onto cowboys fans below. It was all so simple back then.

Like the great bird that lends its name to our capital city we must rise out of the ashes of a depleted defensive backfield, a still sub-par offensive line, and an essentially rookie quarterback. Fuck me again. It’s not that I don’t believe in Matt, I do, I always have, it’s just that I don’t know if he’s ready to achieve what we demand of him. And fuck me for making a hackneyed allusion to a Phoenix rising out of the ashes.

Cody Brown, Will Davis step the fuck up.

34 – 24 Colts

- Jason Wright this Marcell Shipp

Changing topics like an Animagus

Originally I was going to write a very quick post about all non-Cardinal related topics. Right before I sat down to write it, I stumbled upon this little nugget of news and now I can file this little message under the Cards umbrella.

The Cardinals have hired a new RBs coach. Instant analysis: I have no fucking clue who this guy is. That said, he is from Miami and I endorse any and all "U" individuals. Except Michael Irvin, but he rapes people

Starting late this week/early next week, we here at Wadsworth, will have contributions from some new sources. This is very exciting news. Aside from the immediate grammatical improvements, expect some quality Cards analysis (something this Cards blog has been sorely missing), another brilliant pseudonym, and most likely fewer Disney-based themes.

Speaking of outside contributions, lets quickly talk about the picture above. First allow me to say, I can't take credit for that brilliant photoshop work, but I can explain it. Ciron Black, an offensive linemen out of LSU has been a continual joke between myself and another Cards fan. He is big, slow, lumbering, and overhyped- essentially he is the perfect Cardinal O-line draftee. About 2 weeks ago, I found the above picture in my inbox. Many of you already know that Harry Potter narrowly trails Cardinals Football on my list of obsessions and this picture perfectly combines them. Come April 22nd, I will whole-heartedly be pulling for the Cards to draft Ciron. If this comes to fruition, expect many incarnations of the following jokes:

• I'm ready to see them "unleash" Ciron, or should I say Padfoot.
• He's really "dogging" it out there.
• I bet Ciron Black is really "itching" to get on the field (dog/flees joke).
• Sometimes I don't even notice him. Its as if he just disappeared...through a veiled archway to the other side.
• I will personally see to it that there is a league-wide mandate that after he gives up a sack, the opposing defender must skip around him saying "I killed Ciron Black, I killed Ciron Black!!"

That is all for now. Feel free to try your hand at them in the comment section. Speaking of non-Cardinal related obsessions...

For many of you, Tuesday's return of LOST was this weeks epic TV event. For me though, it was Wednesday night's Friday Night Lights episode, which I was able to watch last night. Holly shiiiiiiit!!! Following next weeks season 4 finale, I am going to dedicate a post to FNL and a season 4 recap/review. Bellow, courtesy of WPM, you will find what can essentially be considered my season 3 finale response. Next time,I will try to minimize the hyperbole, but I make no promises.

I'm lost in the fnl world right now.

What am i supposed to do, just forget dillon and start rootin for the east dillon lions? I have so much panther pride but im hurt right now. I mean I'll follow eric taylor into the dark and if he is going to resurrect east dillon ill do it right there with him but im lost in that world. Am i going to feel happiness and pride when east dillon fucks up jd/wade next year? Is it going to be bitter sweet like watching o-dog go deep against the backs a few games ago?

What would Smash say about this? Nobody loved the panthers more, i mean sure he was incredibly infatuated with himself, but he did turn down voodoo and arnette meads request to cross lines, he was truly panthers forever. Will east dillon have clear eyes and full hearts cause if so i know how they will fair...

Riggins,
I kinda love the idea of him going to college and actually making something of himself but i couldnt bear him not being on the show.

Matty ice,
i mean who in their right mind leaves julie taylor??? Not for all the art and deep dish pizza's in the entire world. Good move ice, good move.

Tyra,
At this point im completely over her character, Ill miss landry a lot, he was a brilliant actor, but tyra glad you got into UT, now get the fuck out. On a slightly unrelated but quite related note, she looked amazing in the finale. If thats her swan song, it was a good one.

Thats all i got. Im lost